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Tips For Kids Understanding Dementia
Kids are very resilient. What seems a harmful exposure to unpleasant or
unnatural circumstances can become a growth and maturing experience for
a child. Your attitude and way of explaining why your family member behaves
oddly will almost totally shape how a child reacts and behaves around
them.
Be frank and honest but without so much detail or graphic description that the child is frightened. Describe dementia in a way that maintains the dignity of your loved one.
"One father put a pile of dried beans on the table. He took little pieces of the pile away as he gave his young son the following explanation of his grandfather's illness. ŒGrandpop has a sickness that makes him act like he does. It isn't catching. None of us is going to get like grandpop. It's like having a broken leg only little pieces of grandpop's brain are broken, so he can't remember what you told him; this little piece is broken, so he forgets how to use his silverware at the table; this little piece is broken, so he gets mad real easy. But this part, which is for loving, grandpop still has left.'" (Mace and Rabins, 1982, pp.151-152)
Talk to kids about dementia and illness. Share your loved one's need for love and help. Discuss the need for a calm and reassuring tone of voice when talking to their family member. Choose words like unusual or unexpected rather than weird or crazy. Discourage the child's use of derogatory and value-laden terms. Appeal to the child's sense of creativity by asking for ways he/she might better be friends with or of help to their family member.
Kids learn from watching the ways we communicate and interact with a family member with dementia. Our role modeling is more important than words. Nowhere do actions speak louder than words than in a situation like this.